A friend sent me this article. I'm an introvert. Maybe you are too?

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Caring for Your Introvert

The habits and needs of a little-understood group
by Jonathan Rauch



Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?

If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out?

If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands—and that you aren't caring for him properly. Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.

I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert.

Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good social skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes. Now I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends, and colleagues. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts. It pays to learn the warning signs.

What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say "Hell is other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.

Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: "I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses."

How many people are introverts? I performed exhaustive research on this question, in the form of a quick Google search. The answer: About 25 percent. Or: Just under half. Or—my favorite—"a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population."

Are introverts misunderstood? Wildly. That, it appears, is our lot in life. "It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert," write the education experts Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig. (They are also the source of the quotation in the previous paragraph.) Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping.

Are introverts oppressed? I would have to say so. For one thing, extroverts are overrepresented in politics, a profession in which only the garrulous are really comfortable. Look at George W. Bush. Look at Bill Clinton. They seem to come fully to life only around other people. To think of the few introverts who did rise to the top in politics—Calvin Coolidge, Richard Nixon—is merely to drive home the point. With the possible exception of Ronald Reagan, whose fabled aloofness and privateness were probably signs of a deep introverted streak (many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors), introverts are not considered "naturals" in politics.

Extroverts therefore dominate public life. This is a pity. If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be a calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place. As Coolidge is supposed to have said, "Don't you know that four fifths of all our troubles in this life would disappear if we would just sit down and keep still?" (He is also supposed to have said, "If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it." The only thing a true introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself.)

With their endless appetite for talk and attention, extroverts also dominate social life, so they tend to set expectations. In our extrovertist society, being outgoing is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark of happiness, confidence, leadership. Extroverts are seen as bighearted, vibrant, warm, empathic. "People person" is a compliment. Introverts are described with words like "guarded," "loner," "reserved," "taciturn," "self-contained," "private"—narrow, ungenerous words, words that suggest emotional parsimony and smallness of personality. Female introverts, I suspect, must suffer especially. In certain circles, particularly in the Midwest, a man can still sometimes get away with being what they used to call a strong and silent type; introverted women, lacking that alternative, are even more likely than men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty.

Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts. Also, it is probably due to our lack of small talk, a lack that extroverts often mistake for disdain. We tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking, which is why their meetings never last less than six hours. "Introverts," writes a perceptive fellow named Thomas P. Crouser, in an online review of a recent book called Why Should Extroverts Make All the Money? (I'm not making that up, either), "are driven to distraction by the semi-internal dialogue extroverts tend to conduct. Introverts don't outwardly complain, instead roll their eyes and silently curse the darkness." Just so.

The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books—written, no doubt, by extroverts—regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward. We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."

How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.

Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"

Third, don't say anything else, either.


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Tawny
www.tawnyford.com

In an effort to bring a smile to your face, have I got something hilariously funny for you to read!

www.jesuschristscoolblog.blogspot.com

Yes, you'll probably have to go back in to his blog and read older posts in order to get yourself up to speed, but it's worth it. This guy is very, very funny.

You're welcome (smile).


Tawny
www.tawnyford.com

All righty, tonight was the grand finale of The Sopranos. Did you watch it? I did. I eagerly awaited it all week. Okay, maybe not eagerly. It's been my favorite show and I was disappointed that they were winding it up so I wasn't exactly chomping at the bit to see the final episode, but.

What did you think of it?

I'll tell you, the ending? What the hell was that all about?

I know closure is one of those words that gets used to death, but I got no closure. Sort of like when Northern Exposure ended. No closure there either.

And the new series that followed The Sopranos, John From Cincinnati, I had wanted to watch that but I was so discombobulated (spelling ?) that I just turned the tv off.


Tawny
www.tawnyford.com

Do you enjoy reading blogs? If so, check this place out(www.blogarama.com). They have listings for thousands of blogs on almost
any subject.

This site (http://babelfish.altavista.com/tr) will translate from almost any language to almost any language for you.

Do you spend much time on the internet? I do, although not as much as I did when I first got access to it. In the beginning, the phone would ring and I'd get ticked off because it cut in to my surfing (smile).

What kind of sites do you like to look at? Do you look at anything other than porn (smile)?

I look at almost everything (except porn). I think having internet access is almost like owning all of the books in the library. So much information at your immediate disposal. Yes, I know, not all information on the internet is true. You have to be mindful of that.

Tawny
www.tawnyford.com

Do you drink ice tea? I was at Dollar Tree (www.dollartree.com), a nationwide dollar store with locations all over the place, and they have 42 ounce bottles of lemon flavored ice tea for $1.00. I can't think of the brand name, but it's a well known brand, mainstream, available in regular stores, not some junky brand made just for dollar stores.

They also have IBC root beer, two 16 ounce cans for $1.00. Ice tea I don't drink, but root beer I do and that's my favorite brand. It gives you serious burps (smile). Prior to finding it at Dollar Tree in cans, I always had it in 12 ounce glass bottles. Pop, and everything else for that matter, tastes differently from a metal can than it does from a glass bottle. I've been pouring the IBC into an ice cube filled glass and it's good stuff.

Okay, it just came to me, Arizona. Arizona ice tea, that's the brand. See, I told you it was a name brand!

Are you a dollar store shopper? I am if it's a nice dollar store. And nice ones, at least around here, are diffcult to find. So far Dollar Tree has been the best. It's full of name brand goods, all for a dollar. When I was there to get the IBC an older woman shopping told me 'it was great fun' to shop at Dollar Tree. She said it was like going garage sale shopping but everything is brand new and only costs a dollar.

Dollar Tree carries music cds sometimes. I purchased the sound track to Glory Road, the movie, and it was great music. Best of all, it didn't cost me the usual $12 to $14 dollars that cds usually run, it was only a dollar.

Okay, so now you know I shop dollar stores. And garage sales. And Costco.

My reading material, for the most part, comes from the library. I could never afford to read as much as I do otherwise.

I also shop outlet malls for clothes, although you have to be careful with that because not all 'deals' at outlet malls are really deals. And I buy clothes online from expensive places but from their seriously marked down sections.

What do you do to try and save a buck?


Tawny
www.tawnyford.com

I'm not a big Oprah show fan no matter who her guest is, but today's show is supposed to have Michael Moore discussing his new movie, Sicko.


Tawny
www.tawnyford.com

So what did you think of last night's episode of the Sopranos? I watched it twice, once at the first showing and then when it repeated at midnight, and it blew me away both times.

In real life, I would assume, Malfi's shrink would, if reported, lose his liscense for violating confidential/private therapy information. I was appalled when he told the folks at the table that she was counselling Tony Soprano. And the fact that no one at the table, aside from Malfi, was outraged at his dislosure makes me think they routinely discuss their patients private matters with each other. Which then makes me think that it'll be dinner table conversation at their homes, and then the news will be all over town.

I thought it was shameful that Malfi caved in to peer pressure regardng that study that said criminals use talk therapy to hone their skills. Tony was right, her actions in dismissing him were immoral. In retrospect, perhaps it was best she did dismiss him as a client in light of the fact that Phil's crew is trying to assasinate him and the whole town is going to know he is (was now) her patient. Might have made things way to dangerous for her personally.

When Tony sent to Italy for their 'cousins' I was hoping Furio would be amongst them. I'm still hoping that when all is said and done and Carmella is a widow that she and Furio will get together. Remember the sparks between them a few seasons ago?

Next week, final episode, what do you think will happen?

And are you going to watch that new series John From Cincinnati after the final Soprano episode?


Tawny
www.tawnyford.com

WhenI was at Costco on Friday I picked up the double cd 'Cat Stevens Gold'. Talk about some wonderful music, wow! I like every single track and that rarely ever happens. If you see it at the store you should purchase it, it's good stuff.

Tawny
www.tawnyford.com